There are some projects where artistic urges outweigh commercial considerations, and this sounds like one of those.
The way you feel isn't a rational response to a defined situation, and can't be evaluated on that basis. Feelings don't stay contained and orderly. Some of your feelings may not even be about your writing.
We're swimming in the narrative conceit that what makes extraordinary characters interesting is their extraordinariness and what makes protagonists interesting is that they're protagonists.
Today is the fifth Tuesday of the month, which means that my answer to this heartfelt letter is available exclusively to my Patreon patrons.
As we face difficult times as creators of art, we will face a lot of pressure from different sides, and from within ourselves.
You can't thrive by only making art that feels safe and easy. But you also can't be brave all the time; you need rest, and play, and learning, and sustenance.
In an emotionally challenging situation, you will have to look at how your big feelings interact with your writing, and decide whether that merits adjusting your approach.