Content note: This letter and post discuss depression and negative self-talk.
Hey Story Nurse
So I’m like a sad human with Heaps of mental health problems (anxiety, depression and a bunch of less relevant stuff) and I write fanfiction off and on depending on my mood and what I’m watching.
I also sort of write original fiction, but I never even get close to finishing anything. I really want to write some things that work best in long form (like person goes “undercover” as a boy and realizes like halfway through he’s trans is the one I’m working on right now). But I haven’t done anything with it because I know I’m not going to finish it. The only thing I ever finish are short fics. So what I’ve been doing is trying to write progressively longer and longer fics to kind of get a feel for longer writing and to prove to myself that I can finish things.
However, I just started a fic that was supposed to be like up to twenty chapters long, which retrospectively is about 75% longer than anything I’d done before, but I thought it would be better cause I had it all planned out. I was super wrong. I finished three chapters and tossed it because I hate it now, like the whole premise and everything it just felt super flat. And now I feel like I can’t finish anything. Like I haven’t even been able to Try to write like anything at all (original or fic) because I feel like I’m not going to finish it and there’s no point. It’s really frustrating because I really love looking at and rereading things I /have/ finished.
I really wanna write original stuff because I have soooo many ideas, but it feels like as soon as I try nothing works right. The plot is bad, I can’t figure out how to get scenes to work together or the writing just feels flat and I lose interest super quickly. It’s super depressing and now it’s leeched into my fanfic too. :c
—Sad Space Gay (they/them)
Dear Sad Space Gay,
I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. It sounds like your depression is really doing a number on you. It’s really awesome that you’ve fought through that to reach out for help, and I hope you recognize what an amazing act of self-care and determination and bravery that was. Your depression doesn’t own you. If you found a way to write to me, you can find ways to do other good things for yourself, including writing.
Depression is clearly putting a distorting filter between you and your writing and making it very hard for you to accurately judge the quality or potential of your ideas and your work. I can’t treat your depression, and I hope that you’re working with skilled, compassionate professionals who can. What I can do is give you some ways to recognize, mitigate, and bypass the filter.
Important caveat: Some of these techniques will work for some people some of the time. Nothing works for everyone all of the time. Depression is a clever beast and it adapts. It also comes and goes. Something that feels easy or useful one day may be impossible or counterproductive the next. If trying any of these techniques feels bad or harmful to you, stop doing it. Only you can assess what works for you. I’m a professional in the field of writing, not in the field of mental health; I’m not prescribing anything, only making recommendations for writing techniques. If you’re at all uncertain about how or whether to proceed with any of this advice, talk it over with the people who are directly supporting your mental health. Continue reading